Fear

My mind is going in a haze. Wondering around but failed to know the reason why. It's starting to go over drive. I started to creating plot on my mind. But not even one is a good thing. I don't want to have any negative thinking but somehow I can't help myself.

My mom told me not to over thinking things since it's not good for me especially with this state of mine. I know it could make my condition get worse but how am I supposed to do about it? They told me to talk about it like some kind of relieve. What if the things not a talking matter? What if after I talk about it, it's only got worse? What do I have to loose? Too much.. I got too much to loose and I can't risk it. Though I know that with this keep going on is already a risk enough. What if I didn't talk about it, it could make me like I used to?

Too many things at stake that I'm not willing to give. But it's already taking too much. What should I do? Too many possibility to consider. I can't be reckless though I already do.So what now? I already making too much mess.

Fear... It consumed my body. I try to overcome the fear. Being used to with it. Till it won't bother me anymore. But how long does it take till I feel numb of those fear? I'm afraid, when I got used to it, I also no longer being able to feel anything. I'm afraid.

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